They Define Me.
Have you ever felt unsatisfied with yourself?
Have you ever felt like no matter what you do or how hard you work, it's never enough?
I felt like that all the time.
It never made me happy but it made me feel like I was better, and it seemed like it was enough for me.
Last year was my biggest year ever.
I need to take my SPM exam which may change how people look at me.
So to earn my family's validation and affection, I've worked hard for it.
But it was really hard, it was really stressful.
I cut down on hanging out with my friends to study, even during lunch break.
It was so hard but I think I pulled through.
Ever since I've got my exam result, everyone treated me differently.
I felt like I was respected and cared.
I let it define who I am.
Not just that,
I've struggled with my weight and body since I was young.
I started my first diet when I was 13.
I tried different diets.
I tried starving myself, low-carb/keto, intermittent fasting, apples-only diet, all kinds.
I've also started wearing corsets on a daily basis when I was 13 and 14.
When I finally lost 12kgs in total when I was 15 or 16, people looked at me differently, I looked at myself differently.
I was glad that I lost weight.
I don't care that I was starving at night, I don't care how stressful is it to workout 24/7.
8-mins HIIT before lunch, 30-mins HIIT Cardio in the evening, 10-mins abs before bed.
Every Single Day.
Additional workouts for every "cheat" day.
I remember crying right after a 30-min workout. I wasn't happy with myself.
I wanted to lose more weight, but it's so stressful.
The more desperate I get, the more overboard I went.
Once I've reached plateu, I got too stressful, so I overate.
I gained weight.
Then I decided to do keto.
I remember not being able to sleep at night due to severe indigestion.
I couldn't even leave the toilet.
Until now, I'm still struggling with my weight.
My weight, my grades, they are everything that I feel like would make everyone love me, especially my family.
I let them define me.
No one cared that I wasn't happy,
no one cared that I wasn't healthy.
Have you ever felt like no matter what you do or how hard you work, it's never enough?
I felt like that all the time.
It never made me happy but it made me feel like I was better, and it seemed like it was enough for me.
Last year was my biggest year ever.
I need to take my SPM exam which may change how people look at me.
So to earn my family's validation and affection, I've worked hard for it.
But it was really hard, it was really stressful.
I cut down on hanging out with my friends to study, even during lunch break.
It was so hard but I think I pulled through.
Ever since I've got my exam result, everyone treated me differently.
I felt like I was respected and cared.
I let it define who I am.
Not just that,
I've struggled with my weight and body since I was young.
I started my first diet when I was 13.
I tried different diets.
I tried starving myself, low-carb/keto, intermittent fasting, apples-only diet, all kinds.
I've also started wearing corsets on a daily basis when I was 13 and 14.
When I finally lost 12kgs in total when I was 15 or 16, people looked at me differently, I looked at myself differently.
I was glad that I lost weight.
I don't care that I was starving at night, I don't care how stressful is it to workout 24/7.
8-mins HIIT before lunch, 30-mins HIIT Cardio in the evening, 10-mins abs before bed.
Every Single Day.
Additional workouts for every "cheat" day.
I remember crying right after a 30-min workout. I wasn't happy with myself.
I wanted to lose more weight, but it's so stressful.
The more desperate I get, the more overboard I went.
Once I've reached plateu, I got too stressful, so I overate.
I gained weight.
Then I decided to do keto.
I remember not being able to sleep at night due to severe indigestion.
I couldn't even leave the toilet.
Until now, I'm still struggling with my weight.
My weight, my grades, they are everything that I feel like would make everyone love me, especially my family.
I let them define me.
No one cared that I wasn't happy,
no one cared that I wasn't healthy.
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